I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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