I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
