if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
