It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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