a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
