I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
