your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
