So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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