i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
