my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
