You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
