I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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