Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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