I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
