I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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