Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
