Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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