Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
