Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
