On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
