How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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