Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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