were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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