My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
