woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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