Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
