i think i have two assholes
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
