their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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