just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
