Buhtt sex?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
