??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize