I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
