I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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