I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
