I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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