he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
