if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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