Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
