you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
