You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Someone came in the potted fern
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
