Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
