Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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