If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
