The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
