I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
