just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
