I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The best revenge is premature balding
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
