I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
