You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
