I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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