you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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