In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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