I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't think brook has ever known best
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
