what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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