Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
