I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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