Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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