the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
