Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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