What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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