it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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