bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
