come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
