LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
