i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
