It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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