Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
