Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize