My cat gives me a boner
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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