pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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