Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
