you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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