I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
